A Simple Trip to the Dentist

I watched the fear in my stepdaughter’s eyes yesterday afternoon as the dentist chair leaned back suddenly and quickly. She had no idea what an emergency root canal was or why she needed it, and an overwhelming feeling of anger rose inside of me: "I have to watch this eight year old child frightened and in pain because of her mother's negligence?"

When the tooth pain became apparent last weekend, my stepdaughter told me it was her wisdom teeth coming in at the ripe age of eight; her mother had informed her of this. When she opened her mouth wide to show me, though, I saw the rotting tooth in the back. Could her mother really be that uncaring? Maybe she is just lazy enough to ignore her child's pain. Nevertheless, I scheduled her dentist appointment for the earliest date that also happened to fall on one of her dad's placement days. I was not expecting my stepdaughter to keel over in pain in the dentist chair after they took the x-ray, and luckily, the dentist came in as she squirmed in discomfort. There was no beating around the bush, she needed a root canal because the baby tooth was not ready to come out, and they started right away.

It was mortifying watching this young child prepare herself for something I, myself, did not experience until I was in my twenties. It did not seem fair as she looked to me for explanation and comfort, her eyes wide with panic. She was brave, though, and I could not have been more proud of her level of obedience as the dentist told her to "open wide" and "bite down." I choked back tears of anger and guilt. Why should I feel guilty, though? Over the last two years, her dad and I have preached the importance of brushing and flossing, and we have done everything in our power to try to reverse the damage from her mother never having her daughter brush. When my stepdaughter was six years old, she did not know how to hold a toothbrush, and she made it very clear that she did not have one of her own at her mother's house. Now here we are, with a dentist bill, upcoming appointments for cleanings and fillings for the rest of those cavities she has, and the dentist said one of the other molars fell out prematurely, most likely due to a cavity that rotted the tooth. 

I feel angry for having been forced to watch my baby go through this because her mother never had her pick up a toothbrush. I feel concern for her siblings who will not have an advocate fighting for them the way I fight for my stepdaughter. I feel guilt for not scheduling an appointment for a checkup weeks ago. Now though, I will continue to do everything in my power to make sure my stepdaughter has a healthy mouth, and a healthy life overall.

Coping With New Family Dynamics

It's been a long road. It was five months before we were able to see my stepdaughter, but in February, a temporary custody order was put in place. It opened up a door to a new world, and mediation seems to finally be coming to an end. My stepdaughter has grown to love and trust her father again, and their relationship has bloomed. Sometimes, they are so much a like that it is scary, and I see the way she admires her father. She wants to be like him.

I am proud of my husband for showing her what a devoted daddy looks like, and she is going to have something that many children grow up without: the presence of a loving dad. I know how beneficial this is for both of them. Still, I am having a hard time accepting that as she grows closer to her father, I am pushed to the wayside. On several occasions, this little girl that stole my heart, has made me very aware of the competition she perceives for her father's affection. I am very aware of how normal this behavior is, but being knowledgeable does not necessarily make it hurt less. Now, I get dirty looks, eye rolls, and snide remarks, and it feels like my husband turns a blind eye. Maybe I am not supposed to feel this way, but it can be heart-wrenching to have her close to me, and yet distant.

Sweetie, we're taking your mommy to court...

It has been three and a half months since my husband and I have seen my stepdaughter. Every day gets harder. As more time passes, the more often I find myself looking through her drawers and her closets just to feel her presence. While shopping, we rarely leave a store without something we have picked up for my stepdaughter, and the presents that she did not receive on Christmas OR her birthday can only be re-arranged in so many ways.

Ten days from today, we'll have attended a motion hearing to get placement of my stepdaughter. I want people to understand, more than anything, that she is my one and only concern when it comes to this custody case. My only wish in this is to walk away knowing that this precious child is being cared for properly. I know the reputation that surrounds cases where a man is trying to get custody of their child; most of the time parents are simply fighting for control, fighting for a child out of spite for the other parent. I beg you to hear me when I say this: I only want my stepdaughter to be safe and happy. Is it too much to ask her mother to get this 8 year old child out of diapers? Is it too much to ask her mother to remove this child from the home of a abusive man. Her protection is the only reason her father and I began this "battle," and believe me, I know her mother will fight us the whole way.